Stay Strong, For Us.

This feeling is torturing. Like how the inner part beneath your skin itches but you can't scratch it. Like how you're gritting your teeth to prevent the tears from coming down. It's tiring and mentally draining. At the end of the day, all I want is to go back home, with a spread of my mother's cooking on the table. Waiting for me to come home. The others turn their backs as fast as time goes by.

I am afraid of losing you. Tomorrow is a gift but I don't want to be hindered by that faint stain of grey at the corner of my mind. I don't want you to go. We are smouldering into the cortex of love and we are subconsciously drowning in it at the same time. The process is mind-blowing, breath-taking, and life-changing. I can't make out the greatness of that intensity, and hell, we might only feel the plunge when it crashes down. But I can't imagine life without you now. The words said are cliches, but the love we share is one of a kind. You're my blessing. No matter where this takes us, I know you'll never be far away from me.

You have the heart of an angel.

The light splattering of rain outside my window signals the near arrival of a thunderstorm. But I am feeling warm and cosy inside.

I like to be alone. I'd like to believe that I can make it on my own.  But not when it comes to you. My walls fall down when you hold me in your arms. I loved that look on your face today when you came out of the fitting room wearing that wide grin. You melted my heart. And I knew I had to get that shirt for you. That's what sets you apart and yet draws us closer. The simplest things in life.

I don't need you to shower me with anything materialistic, I don't need you to chauffeur me around, I don't need you to send me home everyday. You told me this before and still it remains anchored in my mind: "I have nothing to offer but my love." And that is all I ever need. It's not easy to find someone who loves you back; it's almost a miracle and we're one of them. As our love grows deeper everyday, the fear runs parallel with it as well. But as long as I'm with you now, and no matter what the outcome of the future might be, I'll have no regrets.

Keep holding on.

Nothing hits me hard anymore. It's like my heart would be tugged and scratched a little, but I'll be okay after the emotion peak that lasts just for a while. Nothing stays with me. I might find consolation in that peace because I don't hold on to grudges. I find it useless. I don't have hatred anymore. I'm not empty because I can still love. It's all that I've got. I've learnt to keep moving on. And that's what I've been doing. Travelling from your past to mine, to the present and anticipation for the future. We learnt so much and fought so many battles.

And here we are today, standing face to face. I'm a part of your present now. And I might be just another face in your past in the future. But I think our hearts are adjoined, I can feel that raging passion that needs to be tamed, together with the overflowing trash within the circles in my head.

Maybe it's time to interrogate the core of my happiness. Does it derive from giving or taking? Or both? I don't want to weigh. I don't want to establish a balance in love. Because it has no limits, no boundaries. And I don't want to draw a line to mine.

My eyes are closing from the lack of sleep last night. And I'm waiting for you to wake up.

My biggest mistake was opening up too much.  It's like a part of me being exposed and I can't erase what have been seen.  And they think they know everything. I miss my dad. I miss my mum. I miss my sister. 5 more months. I can do this.  

Sometimes I wish I can be like you. Vulnerable and weak, yet so strong at the same time when you meet someone more fragile than you. Someone like me.

I cried after such a long time. And the person I cried to was someone that I would never want to show my weakness to. She'd feel a million times worse. She did.

I'm alone again, with my loved ones out of reach. I'm used to this reality that never stops hitting me everytime.

I wanna lay it all down at Your feet. Maybe it's time for me to go back.